Competition Part I: Sore Losing

I rage when I lose at fencing.  'Least, I used to.

Learning to deal with loss is an important part of maturing.  Bill Whittle has a good story on this from back in his baseball days, where a tough loss taught him a good amount of humility, how it drives people on to do better.  The "participant" culture youngsters now grow up in fill in that necessary pitfall.  There must be risk, else there is no tangible reward to pursue.

I don't like seeing anyone lose, including myself.  I'm more competitive than I'd feel comfortable admitting.  I always assume my opponent(s) mock and ridicule me behind their masks on the fencing strip, or from the silence of their comms in video games.  Can't tell you why I presume this; I simply know because it's what I feel.

For all the matches I've experienced, I haven't figured out how to separate the personal from the recreational.

Fencing and gaming are the two arenas I most clearly observe this issue of immaturity in my heart.  I've made a fool of myself on the strip because I thought that would egg me on to better performance.

Lol.

While I can't control how others choose to perceive me, or how they treat me, I can control how I act and react to situations.  I need humility.  The next time I face someone online or on the strip, I need to act humbly in victory and defeat.

Because I wish to be treated the same way by them.

Work Out 6-9-16

Worked out today.  Running, abs, arms.  Shoulder feels funny.  I can't let up, though.  Stagnation is really just falling behind.

School

I didn't take my studies as seriously or as rigorously as I could have. I stepped back from the "best" and the "brightest" and contented myself with just getting by. Out of shame, I wish I hadn't. But I'm starting to see where I was able to keep my independence through the four years I spent at college. I wasn't beholden to the university, or a professor, or the bottle (drinking is a near-ubiquitous pastime for grad students).

I wonder if the added ardor is the price I paid, that I had to pay, in order to retain my independence of mind. That's gotta be hard to do, trusting so many to aid you in your noble endeavors, that a few malicious compatriots slip through one's defenses and lead you astray. In an effort to stay totally individual, to not be any side's pawn, I shunned a lot of bad and a lot of good influences. Time will tell which outweighed the other.