Heroes

Watched "The Hornet's Nest" tonight.  I've seen a lot of military documentaries over the past couple of years.  The tales of self-sacrifice and honor in battle never diminish.  I could never do what they do for granted, but the idea of "duty" has finally set in with me.  I see it embodied in these individuals who tirelessly, thanklessly preserve our liberties.  I am free to choose, because they chose before me.

The photo above is of a guard at the Tomb of the Unknown Soldier.  I vaguely remember visiting this tomb when I toured D.C. (way) back in 6th grade.  I ought to visit again.  These guards consider it a privilege to stand in front of the tomb, uncomplaining, whatever the weather.  That humility daunts me, when the conditions deteriorate as bad as they do in the photograph.

Clean House - One Thing At A Time

Had the house cleaned today.  Mostly just doing basic chores I'm too lazy to do myself.  It supports a local family out here, though, so I know the money is going to a good cause.

I had a friend over and they pressed me to answer how it benefited me.  They'd seen the house before when it wasn't so spotless and didn't voice the slightest disapproval.  "Lived in" was the term used.  Maybe I have a little Type A or OCD in me, but I find an unkempt home distracting.  I'm too lazy to do dishes, so they pile up in the sink.  I put off washing them, so they clutter the counter.  I'm brilliantly innovative at putting forth excuses to get out of labor.  And then that labor sticks in the back of my mind regardless of what I do instead.

Gotta drop this bad habit.

"Do two things right, not ten things fast," I tell my fencers, and we tell each other at the mine.  "If you do things right, they'll get done fast."  I first encountered this advice watching Sean "Day[9]" Plott coach someone playing StarCraft.  Doing one thing at a time, correctly, in a methodical order, "setting and forgetting" you might say, gets more done than doing too many things at once.  One thing at a time, then completely moving on.

Having those chores on the back of my mind is a huge distraction, but this manifests itself in other ways.  Watching TV while eating meals.  Playing games while answering the phone.  Listening to a podcast while in a lecture.  Our minds can't fully process more than one source at a time.  Multitasking grants a facade of efficiency.  I get less done when I'm doing more.  I leave tasks unfinished, which lets them fester and bite me in the back later on.

One thing at a time.

Paradox Of Choice

This video was recommended to me by a friend.  The title and description nearly turned me away completely.  Thank goodness I didn't close the tab.

I relate to his sentiment that more choice means less satisfaction.  I too have a fear of missing out, opportunity costs, and buyer's regret.  When I browse my Steam library or glance at the unread books on my shelf, it depresses me knowing I haven't reaped dividends on my monetary investment.  I don't want this guy to be right because I look at the technological marvels of the past hundred years and think, "This can't be the wrong direction!"  Liberty is my hope and ideal.  But alas, I fear his reasoning is spot-on.

In the past, we had only one way to do things.  If we didn't do them that way or got lucky finding a better way, we didn't survive.  Now, it's easy to live comfortably, comparably-speaking.  There's not one brand of slop in college cafeterias; there's a cornucopia of food to select from.  On our roads, there's more than black-painted Ford Model Ts zipping around; a score and a half of manufacturers are emblazoned on passing vehicles during your average commute.  For media, we're not stuck with three news stations; anyone with a camera, microphone, and YouTube account can make their own broadcasts, and reach far more than a single nation's households.

What I (re-)learned from this talk is I'm stalling.  I'm postponing my development.  I am too easily deceived by senses of urgency that eat up valuable time.  My vision is stunted, and my impulses run unchecked.  I am too afraid of what I miss out on by refusing it.  I do not have unlimited time, which means I have to drop some things, which depresses me.

God's blessed me.  I don't say that boastfully; what I do with those blessings is far more important than having them.  My parents have always prided me on my well-rounded list of activities.  I know I'm capable of doing great things when I put my mind to them.  But I don't anymore, because I hesitate, because I worry over the loss.  It bothers me I can't do everything.  I foresee it as loss, as waste, and I hate having waste.  So, I grow depressed, recalcitrant, nihilistic, and go back to my video games or my silent rants, postponing my duty further.

Then nothing gets done, which you'd think would convince me to do more than nothing, lol.


I do have good news to report.  I finished Mary Wollstonecraft's "A Vindication of the Rights of Man, and a Vindication of the Rights of Women" via audiobook.  Very good writing, but hard to listen to.  I'll have to read a physical copy someday.

Food

Improving myself physically means half the battle is what I put into my body.

I'm doing well at replacing soda with juices.  I've got several full bottles in the fridge and many more in the cupboard.  Yes, there's still sugar in those, but the added nutritional value has to outweigh that of pop, lol.

Veggies I simply can't do; I'll take a vitamin for those.  Meats... meats will be hard to circumvent.  I can only eat so much fruit before my tongue gives up.  I figure fish is a reasonable alternative.  It requires extra work and I can't cook a few pounds to heat up later.  But making it more of my diet should improve things.

In the snacks department, (my real adversary) Doritos and Lays are giving way to Pringles and FiberOne bars.

Small steps to a greater goal. :-)

Today Was A Wash

And it was okay.  I needed it.

Last night I went to the bar after work with coworkers.  That green chile burro was way too big for one meal.

Caffeine deprivation is affecting me mainly through headaches.  But I am holding strong on it.  Need to drop the non-caffeinated soda I've been drinking.  And I need to buy more kiwis.  Kiwis are good.

Know that.

Thursday

Got home early.  Meant to do stuff.  Ah well.  Four-day weekend ahead.  I'll recap then.

Workout Regimen

My current regimen is: 5 laps of running, 25 crunches on the crunch machine, and 20 curls with the 20-pound weights; twice.  I've applied a points system to encourage me to work harder and improve more quickly.  For example:

Laps: 5 --> (1 + 2 + 3 + 4 + 5) x 100 = 1,500
Crunches: 25 with 75 pounds of weight --> (75 lb./5) x 25 = 375
Curls: 20 reps with 20 pounds of weight --> 20 x 20 = 400
x2: 3,000 + 750 + 800 = 4,550 = my score for the workout

The running laps accrue more points because they take significantly more time and energy.  I will surely add to this list other exercises; a coworker said I ought to work out more parts of my body, as these three are good but limited.

The danger of this is I'll abuse the system to trick myself into thinking I'm doing more, when I'm actually doing less.  This is simply a method by which I can gauge my progress.  The important thing here is to push myself each time I go to the rec center, and incentivizing myself in this way might be the pull I'm looking for.

Fencing

The fencing class I've got going here has reached the point where we can advance how we do things.  We're planning to visit Tucson to fence with U of A's club this spring, and when I go get rated at an official tourney, hopefully one or more others from the group will have the equipment to participate.  One guy in the class is particularly good; scored 11-15 on me tonight, and it's great as a teacher to see a student improve nearly beyond me like that. :-)

Sacrifice, Or Betrayal?

Played several hours of SMITE today.  I did have a great time with it, so I wouldn't say it was a bad thing.


I like video games.  I love supporting games with potential.  In this supersaturated market, competition forces developers to make the best title possible.  It also lets them get away with posting garbage onto Steam to milk unwary players of money.  Knowing the difference and acting on it is important to me.  I can throw money at the good and warn my friends of the bad.

What if I don't do this?

If I quit games, I won't donate my time or money to their cause, the great game they're developing.  If they do not receive enough support, their project will cave and no one will see it again.  I've witnessed this happen to a couple of games that never got off the ground, original titles that had something different and interesting and competitive to offer to their respective genres.  Their communities disperse to other games where I rarely see them again.

If I follow through on my goal for the year, am I making a noble sacrifice for a greater goal?  Or am I betraying good people by not supporting them?

My mind says the former, but my heart says the latter.  I believe that dropping games is the right thing to do for myself and to help people in the real world.  "People who play video games all day don't live in big mansions," Bill Whittle, a former avid gamer, once said.  I know I am made for more than wasting away in a desk chair.  Yet, I can do great things for these people who are very invested in their projects, in their own dreams.  Even if it's just extra pixels or a cheap laugh, the positive impact on others' lives is a righteous endeavor, right?  Despite the fact I owe none of them anything, why do I feel this urge to contribute to their success?

Coming to terms with this is tough for me.  I view neither position as morally wrong; if one choice was wrong, this decision would be an easy, simple one: I'd pick what's right and go with it.  But this fork in my life diverges me from what I believe is true or better to follow, and what I want to follow.  I do not see a middle ground.

I need to think and pray on this.

Day Of Rest

Even God instructed mankind to rest once a week.  Enjoy some Fleetwood Mac.

Exciting Times

I'm noticing an improvement overall already.

Worked out again tonight, had a healthier dinner, called Mom, and talked to a friend back home.  Good for the body, but my mind is occupied with worry.

Price of commodities has plummeted for several months now.  Company stock is at a very low rate.  I'm not too concerned with my current position, but I want to be prepared in case my situation changes.

I'm beginning to fear a greater recession start its effects.  2008 was bad, but my family and I were largely unaffected by it.  Maybe this is on my mind because it's directly affecting my business.  I don't know.  My gut is telling me we aren't generating more wealth than we're spending or wasting, and that's a major economical problem, that will hit all of us very, very hard.

Already, I've started altering my spending habits, checking my finances more regularly, buying cheaper foods, and not buying extraneous purchases.  Besides the "Mr. Robot" DVDs, I won't be ordering any more entertainment for awhile, and I'm considering dropping Netflix.  I'm pretty conservative with my money as it is, but this kind of frugality won't hurt me.

If there was a time to not waste time, to employ all of my faculties, to learn and absorb as much marketable knowledge as possible, to replace entertainment with education, it is now.

Negativity

Tonight, I failed.

Instead of working out, I stayed in and watched the special features on "Mr. Robot."  Instead of eating kiwis and grilled cheese, I gobbled down an entire pizza.

I did do a couple things right: I started a few dishes and added water for the lizard I watch.  I'm also getting to bed at 9:00, which vastly outsleeps 11:00+.

To attend to the topic, YouTube is my ultimate distraction.  I have mastered the subtle art of searching for videos to watch that I will loathe.  Usually, it's updates to popular users I disagree with and would never dare subscribe to.  Tonight, it was looking up any recent college-level protests on a campus somewhere.

The search engine gods didn't disappoint.  I dove into the Ithaca College fiasco from Oct./Nov. of last year.

Why do I do this to myself?  All's well and good in pursuing viewpoints different from one's beliefs, but I do this deliberately for some reason.  To mock, in my head and in my room.  To respond, trollingly and shamelessly.  To exhaust, completely and addictively (oughta be a word).

This isn't healthy for me.

As great as it is realigning my moral compass in the precise opposite direction of the majority of the behavior I witness, it doesn't assist me in accomplishing anything.  I fear evolving into a "guiltless" zealot, but I also fear downgrading to a petulant curmudgeon (though the latter's certainly more appealing).

So, a new goal: no more searching out negativity.  I know enough of what I like to keep me satisfactorily entertained for a long, long time.  I have podcasts and audiobooks to listen to.  I have gaming channels to humor me during meals.  I have anime to catch up on, always.  Reality beckons, and I'm finally answering the call.

I can't invest my time and attention into everything.  This must be cut.  Period.

Goals

This blog's intent is to do more in the real world, than to elaborate and pontificate on the Internet.    Updates will be short, sweet, and goal-oriented, with little embellishment.

- Quit soda.
- Quit video games.
- Read one book per month.
- Listen to one audiobook per month.
- Get rated in fencing.
- Hit 50 rounds in the black at 50 yards.
- Weight: 170 pounds. (currently 200)
- Visit: New York City, Rhode Island, U.K., San Francisco.

Optional:
(learn Chinese)
(pick up flute and piano again)
(write three novellas)

Too grand?  Too mediocre?  You tell me.  I like to reach impossibly high and look back at the distance I've made than aim low and always "succeed."  Limits are made to be broken.  It's how we advance as individuals and as civilizations.  It's how we planted flags on the Moon.  And it's worth achieving, regardless of the self-sacrifice necessary.

Progress:

- Soda is down to one, 12 oz. can/day.  I'm weaning myself off caffeine; cold turkey induces headaches otherwise.
- Gaming, currently, has stopped since Tuesday.  Weekends are a struggle for me.  Monday and Tuesday will prove trials.
- 20% through Peter Hitchens' "The Abolition of Britain."  Digging into Chapter 3 tonight.
- Easier for me to listen than to read.  I'm halfway done with Mary Wollstonecraft's "Vindication of the Rights of Women."
- Need to search out a tournament to get rated at.
- Need the weather to improve, lol.
- I've exercised twice this week, and I'm replacing snacks and fats with fruits and juices.
- NYC and RI are in planning phase.  U.K. and San Fran are off on the far horizon.

Nowhere near touching the three optionals, lol.

Forecast is done at work, fencing is starting up again, family won't visit anytime soon, and life should start to normalize.  Which means I really must push myself on my off-time.

At least things are looking up. :-)

Without Limit

Hi.

If you're here, you already know me.  Maybe by a different name, but it still describes me, lol.

"Why a blog?"

Writing on the Internet has been a ceaseless hobby for me since I e-mailed a neighbor back and forth in high school.  This pastime exploded when I went to college in 2009.  Mostly it's been through YouTube comments.  Often it's been through forum posts.  Occasionally, it's been through creative writing endeavors.  However, it's remained my primary method of expression.  I have reasons for this, but that's not important right now.

I've actually started this to gauge my development over the course of the year(s), of how I advance off of the Internet and out in the real world doing real things.  It's to show off, but not to belittle.  I want to inspire with these posts.  I want to pull people up, not step down on them, with this blog.

"Why here?  On Google?"

Convenience.  Tumblr is too cancerous.  Facebook is too unorthodox.  deviantART is too malignant.  Here, I can post what I want, without fear of strangers' reprisal (technically, this is public to the whole World Wide Web, but I expect friends will strictly be the regulars), in the format I want, at the pace I want, without some grand and pointless goal like "reblogs" or "Likes."

"Why 'Apeiron?'"

"Apeiron" represents the concept of infinity, proposed by a Greek philosopher named Anaximander, whose name I've adopted and abbreviated as my Internet handle for several years, simply "Anax." (far superior to "DarthSephiroth144"...)  I think the word sounds cool and the concept defined by it sounds cool too.

I'll save the metaphorical, artsy-nonsense explanation for a later entry.

Mere minutes into this blog, I kind of wish I'd chosen "The Lamppost on the Street Corner to the World" or something similar, since, as my mom used to say, was a very practical way to understand the eternity and publicity of online interaction, plastered and immortalized on every street corner of the world.  Granted, that's longer, more unwieldy, and harder to remember, so, probably a bad pick, lol.

"What will you post on here?"

Update my workout progress.  Improve myself intellectually and physically.  Sharpen my thoughts and writing ability.

Accept your watchful accountability to my promises.

The best thing you, the reader, could do for me here, is hold me accountable for my words and deeds.  If I plan something poorly, correct me.  If I fail at something, berate me.  If I succeed at my tasks, ...well, I've never learned how to take a compliment. :-P


"That sounds like a lot of time and effort for a reader."

Totally up to you.  By all means, refuse.  Close the tab.  Won't hurt my feelings one bit.  I haven't proved myself to you, currently, so your doubt is not unwarranted.

I don't hope to write too many blog posts as long as this one.  Just organizing my thoughts and, as the legendary Shia LaBeouf said, "Just do[ing] it."  I don't expect lengthy responses, either.  Your encouragement is optional, and appreciated. :-)

Speaking of blog length, this one has expanded well beyond what I expected it to in time and scope, hahaha.  Awful habit.  Brevity is something I need to work on.  I'll post more tomorrow: workout analysis, routine implementation, goals to achieve, books to read, life aspects to improve, and insights to expect here.

Thanks. :-)

- Alek

(P.S. Please ignore the other "blog" I have from two years ago.  It's awful.  And lonely.  I'm so sorry. -.-' )