Victorian Living

"Much of modern technology has become a collection of magic black boxes: Push a button and light happens, push another button and heat happens, and so on. The systems that dominate people's lives have become so opaque that few Americans have even the foggiest notion what makes most of the items they touch every day work — and trying to repair them would nullify the warranty.  The resources that went into making those items are treated as nothing more than a price tag to grumble about when the bills come due. Very few people actually watch those resources decreasing as they use them. It's impossible to watch fuel disappearing when it's burned in a power plant hundreds of miles away, and convenient to forget there's a connection."

http://www.vox.com/2015/9/9/9275611/victorian-era-life

Rumination

New word for me.  Fits perfectly.

Never ruminate.  Waste of time, energy, and brainpower.  Go do something instead.

Totally Wrong

"I'm ready," I said.  "I'm gonna tackle this," I told myself.

Wrecked.

Last two days have been chaotic.  14 hours yesterday, 12 today.  Thank goodness there's almost no drama; it's pure business.  But my workload at work and at home is increasing.  Dang taxes....

Happy Easter, by the way.

Exercise

Worked out yesterday and felt legitimately sore today.  Been frying fish for dinner the past couple days.  Made burritos for the week.  Got the hair cut and face shaved (need to do that more than once per month).  Going to bed before 10:00.

I'm ready.

Have some music.

Boredom

“For I do not do the good I want to do, but the evil I do not want to do--this I keep on doing.” – Romans 7:19, NIV

My definition of boredom is twofold, binary sides of the same coin: to not be interested in doing what we ought to do, and interested in doing something other than what we ought to do.  You could well argue the latter is the necessary continuation of the former, but I split the two because they both warrant separate examples.

You have a paper due tomorrow morning.  You don’t want to do it.  So you don’t.  But you can’t think of anything else to do, so you sit and stew for hours, scrounging your room, your phone, your Internet for something to do instead.  You still fail, giving up and pouting lackadaisically like Shinji unwilling to pilot his EVA unit.  Let’s call this “escaping.”

You need to eat lunch before you can begin afternoon work.  Instead of finishing your meal quickly, you plod along, watching another YouTube video, checking your e-mail for the twentieth time, finding excuses to replace your more urgent objective.  You’ll get to it, just not right now.  Let’s call this “stalling.”

30-some entries into this accountability project, I’ve done nothing but word my way out of doing work.  Because I’m bored.  I’m not passionate about anything anymore.  I immediately grow cynical when I’m the slightest bit excited about new projects and prospects.  I don’t see light at the end of the tunnel; I begin in the light and see only a dark, endless tunnel ahead, funneling my path into a restrictive, door-closing, narrow, specialized route.

The lost opportunities, even when sacrificed for a nobler goal, haunt me.  The unrealized unnerves me, stalls my action until I find a suitable escape.  I want it all, but I’ll never get it.

I am wasting my time.  I am in the prime of my youth and I am squandering it on worry, needless concern, and trivia.  I’m doing exactly what I planned to elude.

We’re all bored.  We all fall prey to it.  It takes leadership from people who do not succumb to boredom to inspire us to do what we ought to do.  Then we have hope.  With hope, there’s a brighter light at the end of that long, narrow tunnel.

Tradition

I’m constantly amazed and humbled at each aspect of my life able to be improved by some lesson my parents had me learn and internalize as a child.  Doing chores keeps a clean house (less clutter in the rooms).  Doing chores regularly forms a habit, a good habit at that, and makes the tasks easier (cleaning the bathroom, washing dishes, doing laundry).  Getting enough sleep (energy for the next day).  Going to bed at the same time each night (another good routine).  Doing homework completely and immediately (saves time, frees up free time).  Enjoying rewards after work is done (end days on a positive note, prioritization).  Not relying too heavily on technology (solving problems with own ability, experiencing more of the real world).  Treat others with kindness and courtesy (never know who you might make friends with, contacts will benefit you when you need them).  Ignore petty stuff (don’t get bogged down over minutiae, stay focused on important things).  Resort to logic, not name-calling (any argument is better refuted by stronger reason than harsher insults).

Traditionalist social conservatives get a lot of flack in this day and age for thinking “backwards.”  But most of their ideas, I’m finding, are more applicable than they get credit for.  The wonderful thing about them is their timeless, universal applicability.  The lessons my parents, teachers, pastors, and media taught me didn’t sink in until I experienced them for myself.  That experience is the most effective instruction because it directly affects one’s life.

The comforts of modern technology shield us physically and visually from the harsh realities our ancestors withstood.  Meaning those experiences do not penetrate our soft, contemporary bubbles to disturb us directly.  We've skipped the calculations and landed right to an "answer."  What college student actually starves today?  Who doesn’t have a free library card to utilize public computers and access the Internet?  Which news programs are we forced to listen to?

We have not embraced more freedom as time's plodded on.  We have traded liberty for security, and we may soon end up with neither.

Every Day

Each day is a one-time opportunity to make the most of our time.  It starts the night before when we choose to go to sleep.  It's ignited with what we have for breakfast and how we wake up.  It's continued throughout the day with every activity, what order we tackle our tasks in, how we perform, what we learn from them.  It slows down at dinner, the chance to reconvene and realign our efforts.  It ends going to bed with enough time to rejuvenate for the next day.

Our lives are day-long chapters that complete a whole story.  Manage every one like it's the most important chapter of your book.

Romance Is A Crutch

Those who know me closely know I have a deep-seated repulsion from romance.  Since a very young age, it has been private enemy #1 for me.

I've gotten cravings to search for a soul mate.  A natural instigation, probably, unavoidable until death.

My fear is that I need someone else in my life, a balancing force that must be human.  It would compromise my autonomy, my independence.  I would have to experiment and do things I know I would not like and subject myself to another person.  I do not want that responsibility; I do not want to place that responsibility on anyone else.  Don't help me out, unless I desperately ask for it.

My goals are my own and they should be completed strictly by myself.  I see romance as a challenge to overcome, not a prerequisite for success.

But celibacy is not achieved by pursuing singleness.  I am already single.  I always have been single.  Staying single is not an objective in and of itself.  It is a means to a different end.  I've imagined that end to be masterful specialization.  The extra time applied to alternative tasks over raising a family.

Of course this is not to bash wedded couples, marriage, romantic love, or sex.  This is a defense of only my own worldview, for myself.

What frustrates me is not knowing what's in store for me down the road.  I can pursue marriage, and end up woefully short of lifelong fulfillment.  I can pursue a different noble goal and avoid marriage, yet still have it creep up on me without my realization.  You don't choose whom you fall in love with.

I see that more as a curse than a blessing.

Discovery Vs. Routine

Which is better: to constantly try new things, or stick with what's efficient for you and apply your saved resources elsewhere?

From drinking to tattoos, there's a lot of stuff I simply refuse to try.  This allows me to save on money, time, and probably health so that I can put it towards things I know I want, such as audiobooks, games, and fencing gear.  I've tried a whole lot of different foods and drinks (sodas and juices) now that I have expendable income.  My Steam page reports and even 250 titles in my library.  Books line my shelves.  Netflix and Amazon have dozens of shows and films on my watchlist.  Without experimenting, I wouldn't have found most of the military documentaries I've engrossed myself with.

At some point, however, all that trying new things becomes too expensive to one's time and wallet.  A habit regulates one's resources more efficiently.  Routines stabilize and capitalize.  Waste is trimmed gradually.

This applies to my overall theme of "one thing at a time."  Discovery diverts attention away from a set goal, breaks the boredom growing inside a habit.  I argue it's often a short-sighted distraction from a long-term objective.

At the same time, acting at all (even on impulse) is necessary.  You've gotta just get up and do it.

It's important to break goals down into manageable chunks, day-by-day, task-by-task.  Too big, and they will daunt us into passivity.  Decreasing the daily scope allows time for that discovery amidst a set routine one knows will work.  There is always room for improvement, but it's imperative we don't trash what succeeds.