Nope

Yesterday was very, VERY long.  Today was long, too.  One more day before the long weekend.  I swear I'll do more on days off.

Gym

Have worked out the last two days.  Maybe not exercising what I need to.  Definitely not enough.  But my goal for now is consistency.

Wednesdays are monstrously busy at work.  One day of overlap between our crews never feels like enough.  Will see if I can muster the will to work out once again.

Bad Relationships

One thing I’ve noticed about poor or abusive relationships is the victim regularly returns to their persecutor.  “He’s a great guy, but he picks all of these awful women to be his girlfriend,” or “She deserves better than him, but keeps going back.”

You can apply this same logic to harmful, hindering habits.  Why do we return to our useless addictions, our impeding distractions?  The truth is, we do this to ourselves.

I went to a small social the other night.  Someone proposed we head over to the bar, since it was Friday evening and most of them had a weekend to anticipate.  Of course it was a mistake for me.  I don’t drink.  I don’t socialize well with drinkers.  The person I impatiently stayed to meet showed up far later than I’d hoped.  I got dragged into billiards games I didn’t want to play.  Finally escaping that, I only had a little time to interact with friends, felt budged out of conversations, and the clock read some ungodly hour past my bedtime.  Finally, I gave up and drove home.

I know I’m a social pushover.  Visiting places like this does no good for me.  I’ve known this since late in college.  Why do I do it, anyway?  “Fear of missing out” consists plenty of it, sure.  But I’m also very, very gullible.  I have trouble saying “No” to people because I don’t want to piss them off.  I don’t want to burn bridges that don’t need burning.  By refusing to join them, I feel I’m betraying our friendship, that I’ll lose something I cannot recover, that I’m saying they’re wrong when they could be right.

Maybe it’s time I learned I’m not burning bridges.  I’m leaving them in favor of greener pastures.  I’m challenging their worldview with my own, different one.  I let their judgments of me dictate my behavior and mentality.  Their protests be darned; they don’t control me.

Where've You Been?!

Busy.  Very busy.  Personal work and work work dominates my schedule.  And I'm not letting myself get enough sleep.  The fencing class struggles to coordinate everyone's wonky schedules.  My year's goals aren't being met.  Getting little exercise.  I'm spreading myself too thinly over too many outlets.

I need to consolidate and condense myself before I move forward again.  There will always be more, no matter how much.